I was asked about a year ago if I wouldn't mind sharing my mom's eulogy. I, of course, took my sweet time with this request. I thought about editing this for many reasons. One being that it is written to be spoken, not read. And the bigger reason, it still feels unfinished. But I understand that I could write and rewrite this for the rest of my life and it would never seem finished. I could never capture the person my mother was with words and so I have left it as is. Written the week after my mother died, it is raw and real. Here it is:
Since they told me that my mom was dying I've been trying to find the right words to even come close to describing the kind of person my mother was and it hasn't been easy. There just doesn't seem to be words to accurately describe the woman who not only brought me into this world, but supported me through every decision I made, even when those decisions were about her health. She nursed me through every heartache, tucked me in at night and always made sure that I KNEW I was unconditionally loved. And that's just some of what she has done for me. And while I don't believe there are words to really do my mom justice, I'm going to try my best to find them. I owe her at least that much.
My mom wasn't just a great mom, she was a wonderful friend. She never allowed anyone to suffer a hardship by themselves. If there was something she could do to help, she would. Thinking back to when I was in high school, there were always people at our house. My friends knew that it was a safe place for them to come, and it's no wonder that so many of my friends ended up calling her "mom" as well.
And no one can talk about my mom without mentioning how much she loved animals. She not only rescued animals but she often times rescued ones that nobody else wanted. Either because they were too old or had been abused and needed extra love to get them back to a place where they could trust people again.
My mom's biggest fear, other than death, when she was diagnosed was that everyone would forget about her. That no one would come see her in the hospital and that she would fade out of existence without anyone ever noticing. I am very pleased to say that wasn't the case. Somedays my mom had more visitors than she knew what to do with. She was so very touched to just have people come by and sit and talk with her. Those visits allowed her to to keep on living even when her body was dying. Mom was still cognitive at the end and in her last days, although her responses were difficult and at times impossible for her to make she was still able to understand everything. So my mom was able to leave this world knowing how much she's loved, which not many people get. And I want to thank everyone who come to talk to her while she was ill and for all the phone calls and letters that were sent to her. She cherished everyone of them and everyone of us.
My mom had a lot of love to give and I am so lucky that I was the recipient of most of it. It's that I'm going to miss the most. Even the small things like her talking to me on the phone at 3am as I drove to and from Connecticut. Her constantly wanting to me ler her know I had arrived safely when on a trip and that I made it back home safe. I still can't imagine a future without her. I honestly won the lottery when it came to moms because I couldn't have had a better one. In her final days I was able to tell her how proud I am to be her daughter. Children often hear from our parents that they're proud of us but we rarely think to tell them that. And I am so glad I got to spend the time with her that I did. Even though I'll always feel it was cut far too short.
