I have a confession to make. I am a feminist. I am a feminist with a lot of guy friends. I have a healthy mix of male and female friends but being friends with lots of women does not surprise people. Being friends with a bunch of dudes however, tends to be a shocker. People tend to be uneasy when men and women are friends to begin with. They assume that I am sleeping with or am in love with {fill in guy friends name], that either I am or that the guy is gay or something to that effect. Let me clear the air here: firstly, I am not gay(not that there'd be anything wrong if I were) and the guys don't pass me around like some living sex doll. My guy friends don't victimize me, and I think that this is pretty across the board for women with dude friends with few exceptions. Secondly, the term "feminist" has a bad rap. So let's just get this out of the way, I do NOT think that women are better than men. I believe that we are all equal regardless of sex/gender/race/religion and so on and so forth. People tend to be surprised by the amount of guy friends that I have. And "people" does sometimes include other feminists. As though being a feminist I am not allowed to have a large population of men in my life. Or perhaps they simply feel that men would not want my company due to my beliefs. Regardless, this has led to some fun and interesting situations. Some of my guy friends are what most 20 somethings will refer to as "bros" and indeed, they themselves wear this title with pride. These friends tend to divorce the fact that their female friends/relatives are in fact, women. This is not to say that they are horrible people, they often are the sweetest and truest friends anyone could ever have, they do however, hold onto some antiquated ideas. This has at times made me shake my head and prompted some discussion but nonetheless, our friendships have blossomed. I believe one of my favorite instances of a well meaning bro-moments was when one of Ryan's(bro friend) friends from the navy came to town and after quite a few beers it had come out that not only am I a feminist, but I hold a Masters degree in Women's Studies *cue foreboding music*. To try and 'defend' my awesomeness, my buddy told him "She's cool man. She's just as good as a dude." That sentence reverberated around my brain. Just as good as a dude. The friend accepted this and moved on. I however, was not so easily swayed. I realized that Ryan meant no harm by what he said and that he was trying to compliment me, which meant that I did not flip out and made a mental note that we would be having an open conversation about that sentence and the ideas behind it. Being confrontational, especially when people have been drinking is no way to convince anyone of anything, and will certainly only enforce the idea that feminists (and women) are crazy. But this still troubled me and made me sad. But this did get me thinking. Is this what my guy friends (or at least the bro ones) think? That I am in some way an exception to the rule that women are for boning not for friendship. A few years ago, I would have loved being told that I was "just as good as a dude". Because being male is the standard in our patriarchal society which means that all things female are lesser. Do I think my friend meant to say that I am not as good as he is? No. Did he mean that women are not as good as men on a larger scale. Maybe. After reflecting on this some, I still do not have all of the answers on how to combat all of these ideas. I tackle them as they come up and try to be a good will ambassador, if you will, for both women and feminists alike on this. I have also deemed these instances, and believe me there are a TON more, as one of the many reasons why it is good that I have these friendships with my bro-friends. Not only do both parties(me & them respectively) get a great friend out of the deal but I also get to expose them to ideas that they would never have considered otherwise. Because they do, in fact, value my opinion(s) and they know I'm not what their perceptions of feminism have been/is, and are therefore, more open to discussions. And I am able to experience who my bro-friends really are. Not what society has stigmatized them as. If not for the men in my life like Ryan, who is such a wonderful human being, let me just say, then I would steer clear of anyone proudly touting the bro-culture and never realize they are more than just a label as well. We have something to learn from each other, even if for me it is how to get them to understand that they hold some problematic views from where I am standing and why. I don't expect to create an army of feminists out of friends but I do hope to encourage respect and dispel previously held beliefs at least. As a feminist in bro-land I don't know my way around yet, but I do enjoy the adventure.
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