A Feminists Adventures in Bro-dom Take 2

Any tomboy will tell you, boys play rough. Well, when boys grow into men, they still play rough. And while I wouldn't categorize myself growing up as a tomboy, I certainly learned and liked to play rough. Most of my guy friends are around the 6 foot mark. I am 5'2 1/2, THE HALF MATTERS! Ask any short person and be sure that on legal documents I round up! Now let me dial down my crazy. Because I'm generally close to a foot shorter than the guys I tend to be the perfect size to try and throw into a snow bank or pool depending on the season. Obviously they do this out of jest and not as a means to try and injury me. I am not treated as though I am a breakable doll. And honestly, if they tried to I would probably actively physically annoying and taunt them until I broke them of such a habit. I find physical humor hilarious, which explains my love of pro wrestling. (I know, I know. Boo. Hiss.)

One thing that has backfired on me however is that along with being taller than me, the guys tend to outweigh me significantly. This is not to say that they're a bunch of fatties. Muscle and bone weigh more than fat after all and believe me, it feels like a ton when it is crushing down on you let's say after your cousin has stuffed you in a laundry hamper or your friend is sitting on your chest cavity. Something that I know first hand.....

Around two month ago I was hanging out with some friends, having a couple drinks and playing Just Dance. Don't let anyone tell you that Just Dance isn't fun. I don't care who you are, if you have functioning legs it's the bomb! Anyway, at one point my one friend Tim had picked me up and thrown me on a couch and sat his fanny on my abdomen. It was funny, we were laughing. Another friend-Vin- sat on top of Tim, who had been attempting to stand up. Vin then started to bounce. The 400+ lbs bouncing on my internal organs and ribs was no longer amusing. I couldn't breath. Unfortunately, only Tim could hear me say this and it took him what felt like minutes, although it was most likely half a minute, to get Vin to stop bouncing on us and to get up.

My body and brain were in complete panic mode. And once they were off of me, while I wasn't in pain any longer, I couldn't stop the tears. I only had maybe only one of two tears escape but I felt completely embarrassed and stupid at the same time. I especially didn't want Tim to feel bad because it wasn't his fault and I knew it was a joke, it just went wrong. No one had meant to hurt/scare me, accidents happen. But more than anything else, I didn't want them to view me differently or to be afraid to rough house with me. When I reviewed these thoughts it caught me as strange that I was worried I had violated some kind of unspoken pack that if I wanted to hangout with the boys and be treated equally that I had better not cry.

Women and girls always are put under this pressure to not cry. Men are too and that pisses me off just as much but the reasons that both are shamed for their tears is because they are acting like "little girls". As though little girls are deficient in some way. At least little girls are allowed to cry whereas little boys are not. Males are chastised from birth into adulthood for crying. One of my guy friends from high school told me he refuses to let his  2 year old son to cry. Whenever he starts crying his father yells at him "Hey! Boys don't cry!" I calmly as possible reminded him that I have vivid memories of him crying well into our 20s. And added in that he is basically attempting to turn his son into a sociopath. He laughed. I wasn't amused.

Most of my guy friends are NOT like that I would like to think. My friends that squished my organs haven't really treated me differently. However, Tim did make the comment about a week ago that I cry "at the drop of a hat". I reminded him that we have been friends for almost a decade and in that time he has seen me cry twice: once at my father's funeral and then the night of the organ crushing. I would like to think that my generation is rising above the prejudices of the past. But what I see in the media doesn't seem to support this.