Tuesday, July 1, 2014

We Found the Anti-Christ! And It's a Woman. Damn It!

I know most of the feminist blog-o-sphere is centered on the Supreme Court's decision on birth control and it is a very important issue that does deserve outrage. However, I was not surprised by this decision, choices that uphold the patriarchy are not shocking, disgusting but not shocking.

What I am writing about did both shock and disgust me. And I am going to systematically rip apart a very racist, sexist piece of garbage but first let me say this. I don't watch soccer. My boyfriend is in love with soccer so I can now say since the World Cup has kicked off my knowledge about soccer has increased exponentially. I had very little interest in watching soccer because with the exception of pro-wrestling(I know, sports entertainment blah blah blah) I don't watch sport on TV. This being said, Ann Coulter's attack on soccer, women, anyone who doesn't speak or rather doesn't look  like they speak English, or anyone who doesn't look like what Ann Coulter would like to believe the average American should look like, is disgusting and an embarrassment to the United States. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, this is America after all, but she is both wrong and a moron.

 Now please keep in mind I have only watched two soccer matches at this point and both have been World Cup matches and the USA played in neither of them. But from what I saw and simple logic Coulter's first point does not hold water. "Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls — all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate[...] In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms." [..]Do they even have MVPs in soccer?" My first thought upon reading this was "What about the goalie?" You know that person standing all by themselves before that big net? One of my best friends who happens to be a blonde hair, blue eyed, white, conservative, feminist male was a goalie in high school.There is a ton of individualized pressure on the goalie. Also the one game I watched the goalie received a ton of praise due to his amazing, cat like skills. There are also MVPs in soccer. MVP, you know, MOST VALUABLE PLAYER. Hmmm, that sounds to me like an individual being recognized to me. And maybe before writing an ill researched column Ms. Coulter should do a basic Google search to check on things instead of sounding even more idiotic. As for the scoring, it is true that scoring doesn't happen as frequently as other games. But soccer is much FASTER than any other sport I have seen. Every other sport drags its feet whereas with soccer there are literally feet flying everywhere. Time seems to melt away(unlike let's say football where I ever so slowly lose my mind).

"Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level." .....I......how......what....gah....fuck you lady. On behalf of women every where I demand that you hand in your ovaries as you are clearly a traitor to the vagina and should not be reproducing. So, apparently, if females can play a sport, it's not a sport. I don't have words for this. This is literally a kindergarten level attempt at an argument.

"You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!" You don't use your hands in hockey or lacrosse either only the goalie can. And goalies do use their hands. Even if you submit to using Coulter's bizarre "logic" she already refers to hockey as a real sport, thus nullifying this entire bullet point. Next.

" I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer." This point along with the rest of her paragraph is stupid, it's called marketing. I resent that someone pays her to write a column.

"It's foreign" That is literally a reason she lists for not liking soccer, I'm not sure if she is aware but just about everything in the United States including white people are FOREIGN. English is a foreign language in the United States. Native Americans were not walking around speaking English, French, or Spanish(let's not forget that Spain did settler parts of the North America), they were speaking their languages. Almost everything minus driving on the right side of the road is foreign including most American foods, minus things like potatoes. Potatoes are a new world plant and they are not native to Ireland. Ann Coulter does not even try to hide her racism at any point in her poorly written column, "If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time." And allow me  to tell you that yes, they are watching soccer. Remember my all American boy best friend? His family has been here for  generations and he loves soccer. My roommate from college, family can be traced back to the Salem witch trails and she loves soccer. My coworker who sits next to me, loves soccer and his family has been here for generations as well. I can keep going. Yet another point demolished. I will also point out because Ms. Coulter would be horrified to find out that everyone I have mentioned is white. There is a growing love of soccer in this country and NPR did a pretty good analysis of why. It's speedy. We now live in a world where everything is constantly moving and we like our sports that way. There were a slew of other reasons why in the NPR write up but that point stuck out the most to me.  And also who are we kidding, some very good looking men and women play soccer and with America's obsession with beauty why wouldn't we tune in and enjoy the beauty of all races?

 And being that I am what she would probably classify as a "liberal" because I am a feminist I can safely say we do not all like soccer although her explanation that women are treated fairly in the game did make me want to watch it. So Ann Coulter, thank you for making my boyfriend happy because I did watch soccer with him. I hope that she has managed to bolster soccer's viewing ratings with racist, sexists, nonsensical, brain-dead remarks. You managed to take your dislike of soccer which had nothing to do with me and personally offend me. That takes some kind of special talent. Also I did not post the link to her column because I do not want to bolster her readership. If you want to find the article Google it.

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