Monday, December 22, 2014

Memory


I have a memory from when I was very young, maybe four. I know I wasn't in school yet. My Mom had to go away and have testing done for a week because of her brain injury and a family friend stayed with me. I remember the day we went to go get my Mom, not the ride there or anything, just when I saw her. I remember running up to her and wrapping my arms around her. She was wearing her black rabbit fur coat.I remember how soft it was and the smell. We were both crying.

My Mom has been diagnosed with cancer in her lung, bone marrow, adrenal gland, liver and brain. She had been sick since the spring but we only found out the diagnosis in late October. I wasn't too surprised that it was cancer, just everywhere it is. Even still nothing prepares you for that moment. It's always been my Mom and me. Earlier this year we were going to the gym together 2-3 times a week. She started to not be able to go because she was so sick and couldn't use her arm. She quickly started to deteriorate and come September it seemed like we were constantly taking her to the Emergency Room, with them not doing anything to help. Having the person that loves you unconditionally and who you love the same, in such pain and in such condition is unbearable. Not being able to do something to help is maddening, frustrating and sickening. Anyone who has had someone they love horribly ill will understand this. That's also why I haven't been updating my blog. Writing anything is very emotional and somewhat difficult.

When my Mom was diagnosed people warned me that my boyfriend would probably leave me. That I should be prepared for that possibility. To his credit he has stayed. What no one warned me about was my friends jumping ship. Some of the ones who have disappeared since my Mom got sick are not too surprising, the absence of others has been staggering. Whether they feel slighted because I haven't been in contact with them (my Mom as stated has been sick for almost 9 months now and for the most part, until the diagnosis, I didn't really talk about it and started to keep more to myself), they don't know what to say to me or I simply no longer serve any use to them. I honestly don't really care because the results are the same.  On the flip side I am lucky enough to have some very amazing people in my life who have pulled very close together to me during all of this. Both new friends and old. My Mom has been so touched by the amount of love and support she has received from "the kids" I hung out with in high school and their families, her friends, my coworkers, college friends and our family. My Mom was a stay at home Mom because of her disability so she was always the one that drove me and my friends around so they all got to know her really well and she always loved having everyone around. Seeing them all now and that they remember her and care has really made her feel loved. Her worry is that people will forget about her and she'll be left alone in some room somewhere and that has been alleviated by all visitors, calls and cards.

My Mom still plans on beating this. She currently can't keep food down and is still undergoing both chemo and radiation so she is still in the hospital and that's where she'll be spending the holidays. That was a bit of a heavy blow to both of us. But I've decorated her hospital room with a little light up tree and all of the Christmas cards that have been sent. Her Christmas presents all have to be in gift bags because she's not really strong enough to open anything wrapped. Once she is able to keep food down they're moving her to a rehabilitation center so she can begin to build her strength back. We keep moving forward, planning for when she comes home because that's all we can do. Anything else is not imaginable. The week I spent without her as a child was difficult, I can't imagine being without her again even as an adult.



Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Why Your Pink Ribbon is Bullshit


I am completely for charitable giving to worthy charities. To me in order to be worthy you must not only claim to represent a cause but also actually show where the money goes to help that cause. That is why the Pink Ribbon campaign is complete bullshit. A little background checking will show you  that they do not disclose how much of their funds go to actual breast cancer research or to helping cancer patients.

Most things that you think you are donating to in hopes of supporting research or something worth a damn that has a pink ribbon on it exists solely to jack up the price of the item. To further prove that the Susan G. Koman foundation/pink ribbon campaign does not give a shit about women or breast cancer they have recently teamed up with Baker Highes an oil drilling company that uses fracking. You know fracking which causes various health problems including cancer. "Fracking exposes workers to high levels of many known carcinogens, such as benzene, which has been linked to–you guessed it–breast cancer." Let's be clear. They think we are all stupid enough not to make this connection. Personally I am waiting for Pink Ribbon Cigarettes, Light Up For A Cause! There are good charities to donate to just not this one. Do your research, don't be lazy. Don't just throw your money at something claims do something. I've had a family member die of breast cancer. It's not pretty, no matter how many cute little pink ribbons you put on it.

I highly recommend the book Pink Ribbon Blues if you have an interest in this subject. 

**Dear readers,
I am sorry that I have not posted in what seems like forever. I have been ever busy but I will try to get back on track.
Xoxo

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Nudes, Rape and Video Games: A Feminist Explosion

So this week so much has happened that I didn't know which subject to even discuss. So I am going to try and discuss them all. Here we go....

1) Nude photos of celebrities leaked. This is the same problem that we have continued to have only instead of sex tapes being stolen from vaults they are being taken off of iclouds. Personally, I am paranoid and don't believe in doing nudes however, I am not about to sit back and say things like "what did they expect?" or "they got what they deserved". Victim blaming, how not surprising. Hell even when photos are taken of women and they are not aware they are the ones blamed. None of what has happened is in the least surprising although I do feel really angry for those women and I believe in the one case girl. The Olympian who had her photos taken was underage(child porn rears its ugly head). And let me be clear, everyone who went and looked at those photos you are part of the problem. You're why people leak nudes of women/girls because there are consumers for it. That and it's a great way to try and ruin a woman's life because that's still how we judge women the virgin/whore dichotomy. We are always supposed to be desirable but not touchable, an impossible line to walk.

2) The student who is dragging her mattress around campus. At first I wasn't quite sure what this young woman was trying to accomplish. The act didn't stand out to me as *BAM* this is what's up!  But after doing some reading and finding out that she was raped on her mattress and that dragging the mattress around symbolizes the weight of being raped everything made a lot more sense. The young woman is a performance artist which makes a lot more sense to how she got the idea. I do hope that she is successful and having her rapist expelled. Campus' need to take sexual assaults more seriously. Even from a business standpoint taking sexual assault more seriously makes sense. Female students pay just as much in tuition as male students and currently more women are enrolling in higher education.

3) Feminist Frequency and the threats. I am dating a gamer. He hates feminist frequency because they rip apart his hobby which is understandable. He's allowed to disagree. Just as they are allowed to have their video blog and give their opinions about whatever. Nothing wrong with any of it. However, once you start threatening someone to the point where they have to leave their home. That's an issue. That's a big fucking issue. And also it is counter active to what those who are threatening points. "No video games don't promote violence or hatred towards women. But bitch if you keep talking about it I'm going to break into your home and rape you until you're dead." Yeah...umm..nice going there...totally made your point. That is if your point is that you're stupid; like too stupid to function. As to whether or not video games promote hatred of women, certain ones certainly can promote misogynistic ideas about women which a lot of things do because we live in a patriarchal society so there's no big shock there. Games where the object is to stalk and rape women (there's a Japanese computer game where the object is to stalk and rape a mother and daughter) I do believe are disgusting and should not be in existence and are clearly promoting violence against women and making a game of it. Are all video games bad? No. Are gamers all bad? No. Are the people who threaten and harass vlogers with violence barely an excuse for humans? Yes.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Why #Weallneedfeminism

The #WhyINeedFeminism hashtag was a good idea. And fits with third wave feminism focus on the individual. I, however, am strongly in the second wave camp. We are all individuals but seeing ourselves as purely individuals is a great way to make sure nothing gets accomplished. We need to view ourselves as a group and understand that as a group feminism takes on different forms for us all. For example as a  American Feminist the problems I face are different from a Iranian Feminist. We both have the same overall goal, equality, but different factors that we cannot control change the priority of issues changes based on our individual needs. Religion, race, age, sexuality, gender, class, occupation and location all factor into what we place as high priority issues.

So I have complied a list of five reasons why we all need feminism as the human race. Obviously this list can go on but I decided to limit it to just five for now. Perhaps someday I will do a part two. 

1. #Weallneedfeminism because of human trafficking. Children as young as four are taken or sold into human slavery, usually sexual slavery. There are currently more modern day slaves than there were when slavery was legal in the United States and in most of the world.

                            
2. #Weallneedfeminism because of genital mutilation of both boys and girls. Women and girls around the world are subjected to genital mutilation that ranges from cutting of the clitoris to the complete removal of of the clitoris and vaginal lips. The idea being to control female sexuality and to keep women from cheating on their husbands by taking the pleasure out of sex. Then their is male genital mutilation otherwise known as male circumcision and is mostly practiced in the United States. This is probably going to make a bunch of parents mad but that doesn't change the fact that male circumcision is still genital mutilation. There is no medical or hygienic reason to circumcise boys. It is purely for looks and it does decrease the sexual pleasure of males. And also let me say for the record, uncircumcised penis' do not look weird or unattractive. They look like dicks, get over it.

3.  #Weallneedfeminism because we need to put an end to violence against women whether it be intimate partner abuse, sexual abuse, rape, bride burning, burning with acid whatever the violence. And we need to stop making those stupid violence against women jokes/rape jokes. a) You run a real risk or traumatizing someone because statistically you are saying those jokes/comments around someone who is a victim/survivor and no you probably don't know it because with the stupid shit that is spewing out of your mouth they surely won't be telling you. b) You are reaffirming that what the abuser/rapist/molester does/has done is not only okay and socially acceptable but that it is funny. Nice job asshat. And no you probably are not aware that your coworker John goes home and beats the shit out of his wife and kids because it is still illegal to do so. Or that your friend George on occasions rapes his dates when they don't want to put out after he has paid for a date. It's not funny. You are not funny. You sound like an ignorant scum bag.

4. #Weallneedfeminism because a woman's body is her own and so is the choice as to whether or not we have children, when we have them and how many we have. Unplanned pregnancies can have a wide array of repercussions including poverty, single parent households, higher rates of abortion, more kids in the foster system and so on. Abstinence only education simply does not work. Instead what research has found that students who were taught through the abstinence only method were still having sex they were just doing so without the use of condoms or birth control leading to higher rates of pregnancy and STDs. And unplanned pregnancies tend to trap women into bad marriages and into lower incomes, often times because they then have to stay home and take care of the children, world wide.

5. #Weallneedfeminism because women are not taken seriously. If we express any strong emotions we are either bitches or irrational. We can never just be rightfully angry or upset, we're either hysterical, over-reacting or PMSing. This also ties into how women aren't taken seriously when they are abused. We're exaggerating or just saying it happened to ruin the abuser's/rapist's life. This needs to stop. Someone is more likely to fake their own death than to lie about being raped.




Tuesday, August 12, 2014

I Like Everyone Else Am Devistated

Yesterday the news broke that Robin Williams took his own life. The man who brought so much happiness to the world, in the end he couldn't find his own. Robin Williams touch all of our lives and made the world a happier place throughout his lifetime. A light has definitely gone out in the world. 

And I say world because it is not just the United States that will miss him. Even animals have shown sign of mourning Robin Williams. Koko was mentioned in William's one HBO special that he did and the two clearly had a wonderful bond.


I myself am not a religious person by any means. However, I hope that there is someway that Robin Williams is able to sense how much he was and is loved. To understand that we all mourn his loss and that his life was not in vain. I truly am at a loss for words. 



May you have finally found some peace.


Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Because I Don't Want to Get Down With the Sickness

For the first time in my life I appear to have a really good immune system. I haven't been really sick in over a year at this point and while I am terrified that I am currently jinxing myself by writing this, I'm going to continue. *Watch next week I have West Nile and Ebola*

The secret to my health is a partially due to working with kids for over two years. I was almost constantly sick the first year and half, kids will do that to you. But my doctor was right and my immune system eventually said "Screw this being sick stuff" and I've been pretty healthy since. But the secret to how I didn't die during that year and a half and how every time I start to feel like I might be getting sick and the next day I am all better is simple: Apple Cider Vinegar.

When I was in graduate school I lived with a vegan couple who had fantastic health. And sure enough when I started to get sick they shared with me the all powerful apple cider vinegar. They drink it whenever they feel like they are getting sick. It kills all of the bacteria in your throat and stomach that is trying to make you sick. Now I was highly skeptical of this especially since they were drinking it right out of a bottle as though it was some delicious tea. But Meg and Jim assured me that I didn't need to chug a bottle of the stuff. So I gave it a whirl. I had shot glasses that I would fill halfway and slam it. Now I am not going to lie to you, I also have pinch my nose shut as I did this. I never questioned their claim that it killed at all of the bacteria because I could feel it doing it and after my throat wouldn't hurt.

My boyfriend swears it doesn't work however last night when I said I thought I was getting sick the first thing he said was "Do you want the apple cider vinegar?". Today I feel fine. Now the ACV trick doesn't work if you're knee deep in sickness, it may help you get over it quicker but the best time to use it is when you first notice that you are coming down with something. Some people suggest drinking it every day to improve health. And while studies have shown that there are health benefits to it I just haven't graduated to a stage where I am okay drinking ACV on a daily basis. 

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The False Empowerment of the American Strip Tease Dancer

*Sorry this wasn't posted yesterday my mother is in the hospital again*

This one time I wrote a thesis it took about 3 years of research and revision but I wrote it. Sounds simple right? And this thesis has now been copyrighted and published. So here is the intro to my thesis because well I can.

Also you can buy my book here! http://gradworks.umi.com/15/25/1525167.html
Introduction

The purpose of this thesis is to evaluate an argument made since the beginning of feminism’s

Third Wave: that the work of female strippers is empowering to the women who perform in strip clubs. Pro-sex work feminists such as Carol Leigh, who coined the phrase “sex worker,”Jill Nagle, who wrote Whores and Other Feminists, and Katherine Frank, who wrote From G-Strings to Sympathy, argue that women who strip are taking control of their sexuality and defying patriarchy. These feminist thinkers also hold that strippers are empowered because they hold the power in relation to the men they encounter in the clubs. This thesis will focus solely on the American female strip tease dancer who works within clubs. This focus was chosen because while stripping is arguably the most socially accepted form of sex work, the area of strip work is severely lacking in research and academic study. This thesis will name and systematically explore the key elements of the strip industry that serve to disempower female workers: the lifestyle which the women engage in, the protocol of the clubs themselves, the club customers, the connection strip clubs have to organized crime, and the mental and emotional state of the women within the industry. Feminism’s main goal is to try to create equality between the sexes mainly by empowering women. And in order to understand where feminism is now in regards to exotic dancers, we must first understand how feminism has evolved in regards to the sexual revolution. First wave feminists believed that women would be empowered when they had the same education level that their male counterparts had and when women had the same legal rights as men. This belief was carried on by second wave and radical feminists, with the added belief that women’s
reproductive and sexual freedom, brought on by the invention of oral contraceptives, would finally empower all women. Oral contraceptives gave women the power to control their own fertility. A woman being able to control her fertility has helped women enter the work force and stay there without having unwanted pregnancies limit the female potential in the public sphere. At the same time Roe vs Wade gave women the right to safe and legal abortions, which was yet another alternative to undesired pregnancies. But because of this new found sexual freedom two distinct factions began to emerge with very different ideas on the subject as Ariel Levy explains in her book Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture:

On one hand there were antiporn feminists, and on the other, there were the

women who felt that if feminism was about for women, then women should

be free to look at or appear in pornography. Screaming fights became a regular

element of feminist conferences once the ‘pornography wars’ got underway in

the late seventies. The term ‘sex-positive feminist’ first came into use at this

time. It was employed by the members of the women’s movement who wanted

to distinguish themselves from the antiporn faction. But, of course, all of the

feminists thought they were being sexpostitive...[Antiporn feminists] felt they

were liberating women from degrading sexual stereotypes and a culture of male

domination and—consequently—making room for greater female sexual pleasure.

(62-63)

 Third wave feminists saw more women entering into higher education than their male
counterparts, this also meant even more women in the workforce. Due to both their college and work experience, women now had new access on a sexual and romantic level to more men. In the Third wave there still remained the problem of women’s empowerment, carried over from the second waves “pornography wars.” During this time in feminism, neo-liberal sex positive feminist politics and ideology became the dominant voice of the feminist movement. Kim Price-Glynn in her book Strip Club: Gender, Power and Sex Work discusses some of the cultural changes that were taking place at this time in American culture: “Since the late 1990s, print media and film have lavished attention on stripping and erotic dance performances, collapsing the space between deviant activities and everyday life”(34). Price-Glynn goes onto say that shows such as Howard Stern and The Girls Next Store have helped to market sex work to the general public, propelling sexpositive feminism along with it(34).

Unlike previous feminists, liberal sex positive feminists, such as Carol Leigh (In Defense of Prostitution), believe that sex work is empowering to the women who perform it and they hold that sex work is like any other job. Liberal feminists, such as Sheila Nevins the President of Documentary Films at HBO and Robin Quivers from the The Howard Stern Show, believe that equality will happen when just as many women are doing what men already are. This ideology is flawed to radical feminists, such as Catherine Mackinnon and Susan Brownmiller who were leaders of the antiporn movement, because liberals endorse the masculine as the norm that all women should strive for, and in the process alienate the feminine as “other,” which already occurs within patriarchy. Also if one carries the idea out fully then liberal feminists want as many female serial killers and rapists as there are male, whereas radical feminists want to eradicate serial killers and rapists. Neo-liberal sex positive feminist philosophy holds that strip work elevates the selfesteem of women performing it. A study done by Bernadette Barton showed that initially strippers experience higher self-esteem levels than before they started dancing (145). It also showed that stripping itself does hold certain monetary advantages, and money does give a certain amount of power to the one making it. On average, people who lack a college degree and work fulltime make approximately $21,000 a year according to the National Center for Educational Statistics website for 2010(U.S. Department of Education). However,
strippers who have this same underprivileged background stand to make on average $26,000 a year working fewer hours per week than any other legal job available to them (Price-Glynn 57). And, unlike many other jobs, stripping does have very flexible hours which makes it perfect for both students and mothers alike. The third wave’s view is that these conditions make strip work empowering for the women who perform it.
The problem that other feminists have with this argument is that stripping reinforces the idea that women are only valuable based on their sexuality: a sexuality that someone else has made and packaged for them to sell. By no means are strippers performing their own sexuality, especially those who are lesbians and perform for male clients. The research by Barton has shown that strippers do experience a self-esteem boost initially but, after dancing for six months to a year, their self-esteem takes a dive (145). And while some strippers become wealthy and can move up in the world, those women are the exception not the rule. Strippers now face a problem due to new technologies that allow men to take photographs and videos on their phones and post them on the internet, a former stripper stands to lose her job if this kind of evidence surfaces,
which will be addressed in chapter 4 with news articles from the past several years, that went public after professional women were revealed to have been former strippers and were fired from their jobs.

Since the question of whether or not strip work is true empowerment is a complex question with many avenues to explore, this thesis will focus its attention on different aspects of both the strip club industry and the lives of the women who work in these club instead of just focusing on one or the other like researchers of the past have tended to do. This thesis will also incorporate stripper narratives in order to make its argument, which is something that has never been done before. The strippers who wrote these narratives are shedding light on what the strip industry is like from the perspective of someone within it. And, while these women are not objective, they are currently the only experts on the topics of stripping and their lives. Their voices are needed in this arena because if strippers’ voices are ignored, then feminists are coconspirators in their oppression.

This thesis will focus only on narratives that appear after the 1990s because during the 1980s the industry changed into what we see today. In the late 1980s some dissent started to occur in feminist communities due to ideological shifts from radical feminism to liberal pro-sex feminism. Because of this, during the 1990s, a new wave of feminism emerged. The 1990s pro-sex liberal or neo-liberal feminists focuses on the individual and centers on individual agency. Problems arise from this idea of individualism because everything then becomes a ”choice”and any questioning of that choice means that one is eliminating an individual’s agency. Liere Keith has stated publically, at the annual Radical Feminist Conference hosted by Gail Dines which I attended in June 2011, that neo-liberalist feminism makes women compliant with their own oppression. Keith was kind enough to provide me with a transcript of her slide show for the use in this thesis. Keith explains in the slide show that radical feminists see the group as the basic unit of human society, not the individual. She also points out the radicals see that “social life is comprised of a complex political determinism and the oppressed do not make or control conditions” (Keith 1-2). Keith goes onto say that liberal feminism discounts these outside factors, such as social conditions, as having any bearing on these decisions.
This is important when it comes to the sex industry because with liberal feminism there is no delving into what outside factors influenced a sex worker to make that “choice,” if she had other options available to her, or what social constructs she would have to conform to. There also is no research currently about what happens to women who work in the strip industry after they leave it. There has been no study to show how this industry affects the lives of women later on in life. Radical feminism refutes the point that outside factors do not contribute to a person’s decision and holds that a person is limited by their social standing if they are among the oppressed which women, as a group, are. By denying classification to groups, neo-liberal feminists cannot see women as a class or group, which is at odds with all feminist ideas that came before because by definition, “Feminism is the political practice of fighting male supremacy on behalf of women as a class” (Dworkin qtd. in Keith 7). Radical feminists believe that the erosion of women’s rights that has gone on since the 1990s is due greatly to the influence of third wave/neo-liberal sex positive feminist thinking. Once neo-liberal feminism came to the forefront of the feminist movement the sex industry and sex trafficking both have seen a major boom in business. Erin Kuntze states that “between 1987 and 2000 the number of exotic dance clubs in the United States doubled” (9). This is not to say that third wave feminism is what created the sex trafficking and the strip industry boom; however, the conceptualization of women’s sexual liberation supported, instead of contested these ideas and cultural shifts. The sex industry has pushed its way into mainstream culture without ever modifying the power dynamics or the treatment of the female workers within the industry. Feminist thinkers and activists such as Gail Dines have started to bring light to the issues of power dynamics, racism and abuse within the sex industry. However, these feminists usually focus on one particular area of the sex industry; for example, Dines’s area of interest focused solely on pornography. The increased numbers of sex trafficking victims and the sex industry boom is a link that some feminist scholars and activists are just now realizing and exploring.
There are three kinds of research on strippers and the strip industry: studies of strippers, accounts by strippers, and researchers who pose as strippers. As mentioned before, no other work deals solely with the false empowerment of strip tease dancers, and for those works that do, they use this false empowerment as a justification for another point that they are trying to make. Most of the research done on strippers deals with life inside the club and the abuse the dancers face, whereas the narratives explore the strip clubs and dancers’ lives outside the strip club more thoroughly. In her article “Keeping Women Down and Out: The Strip Club Boom and the Reinforcement of Male Dominance,” Shelia Jeffreys discusses how strip work keeps women in a submissive role in American male dominated society (Jeffreys 183). During this decade there has also been a large number of stripper memoirs published, such as Flesh for Fantasy, which is a collection of stripper essays, and Sarah Katherine Lewis’ Indecent: How I Make It and Fake It as a Girl for Hire. These works are useful as they give firsthand accounts of the lives of a strip tease dancer giving the women a chance to tell their point of view. Both of the above memoirs tell of the horrors and joys of being in the strip industry and also how they each found their way into the industry and the effects the industry has had on them. Because this thesis is researching empowerment, the voices of strippers and their firsthand accounts need to be included. The dancers may state if they believe they are empowered or not; however, their self reporting of their feelings towards empowerment is not what is always important here – but rather the stories they share of the interactions in the club and outside of it. These narratives are, in essence, long interviews that the reader can look to for insight into issues of empowerment and agency. Bear in mind that because these are firsthand accounts about the author’s lives and experiences, their views may be skewed because of how they are naturally embedded in their stories.
There is another avenue of research, and that is student researchers posing as strippers, usually for their doctoral dissertation or master’s thesis. Katherine Frank’s dissertation G-Strings to Sympathy at first focuses on the women who strip and the policies that the typical club has. However, her research and fascination quickly turn to the men who come into the strip clubs as regulars. Frank inquires as to why these men keeping coming back to the clubs, and for the customers who are married, she questions what their relationships are like with their wives. The beginning of Frank’s book focuses more on what she as a stripper encountered and then her focus shifts to the men who are her regulars and what these men think and feel about strippers.
This shift is an important element as to why stripping is false empowerment for women. The men interviewed clearly state that they come to strip clubs because they view the clubs as keeping men in their rightful place, in control. The customers are the ones with the money so the dancers must please them and act as the customer feels that they should, thusly reinforcing certain gender stereotypes. Throughout the academic research that has been published on strippers using firsthand accounts, there is one common factor: all of the women make sure that everyone in the club, including the male patrons, knows that they are there as researchers and that stripping will not be a career path for them. The repeated public announcement of their role as student/researcher and not a “real” stripper is very important as it affects the way in which not only their coworkers and customers treat them but also how they think of themselves. Both Frank and Kuntze at different points in their work, after having a bad night, reassure themselves that they are not really as strippers/waitresses but are there as students. They both find comfort in this and are able to reassure themselves of their worth – unlike most female strip club workers who do not have many other career options. This thesis will name and explore systematically the key elements of the strip industry that serve to disempower female workers. These elements will include the lifestyle which the women engage in, the protocol of the clubs themselves, the club customers, the connection strip clubs have to organized crime, and the mental and emotional state of the women within the industry. 




So that's it folks as far as the intro goes.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

A Male Feminist What is This You Say?

I have decided to try something out. The idea came to me because I know so many wonderful feminists. About once a month I am going to interview someone. This month I went with an unlikely feminist, my dear friend Sean. Sean is not what people imagine when they hear the word "feminist" but he wears the title proudly. (We actually have match bumper stickers that say "This is What a Feminist Looks Like"). Sean is a conservative, christian male and he's heterosexual. Sean and I met in college and if I completely take credit for taking him under my feminist wing. We've gone to feminist conferences together and have done a mock rape trial. Sean and I disagree on different issues, mainly abortion, but we still both fight the good fight and proudly call ourselves feminists.

Q: How did you become a feminist? A: While attending college for my bachelor’s degree I had been taking classes that were cross-listed as women’s studies courses. This was also around the time I met my good friend Sabrina. I recognized women’s right, but did not understand that equality was something to be grasped, and I did not see how saturated our culture was with misogyny until having many of those late night “academic” pontificates with Sabrina. She basically gave me the lingo to describe what I was feeling and observing about the world around me, and the name of the movement working to change it: Feminism. Q: Do you feel it is important for men to identify as “feminists”? And why? A: Identifying as a feminist means that I acknowledge women as equals, and that I support the equal treatment of everyone. Without putting a name on it the values are more easily made fluid and able to slip away. That’s why we label things, so that we know what to call something, and how to categorize it. If I identify as a feminist and a man, then others will ask question and start to see what feminism is all about. Men will also be more held to that standard in community with other feminists. Q: Have you faced any challenges as a male feminist? If so, what? A: Yes. Mostly I deal with shock and awe of being both a man and a feminist, which follows an explanation of what feminism is, and why I am one. I haven’t faced many challenges, but my sexually has often been questioned. (Sabrina’s favorite response to that is: “He’s not gay, he’s religious,” which seems to satisfy any curiosity). In 2011, I attended an international radical feminist conference on Stop Porn Culture that was hosted by Dr. Gail Dines at Wheelock College in Boston with Sabrina. She knows exactly what I’m going to say. Feminism has prejudicially been mislabeled as a group of women who hate men and burn bras. Although I’ve never seen the bra burnings, I have experienced the man hating. I had asked a simple question in regard to men getting involved in rape prevention and this young woman from across the room interrupted and gave me the finger. Taking this at face value one might get the wrong impression of feminism. To give you the full picture, this woman had announced earlier how she was repeatedly raped in adolescence and force to make porn. This was not the case of a feminist hating men (nor is it the norm among feminists), but rather of a deeply hurt woman lashing out at anyone who might resemble or support her attackers; however some prejudice does come up when hurt people are looking for a medium by which to seek vengeance rather than restorative justice.  


Q: What does being a male feminist look like to you?

Being a man and a feminist means that I should embrace my sexual and gender identity of being a man without using that status to look down on others; men are no better than women, and I am certainly no better than anyone. Not only am I a feminist and a man, but I’m also politically conservative (meaning I prefer a smaller federal government), and a Christian. Wait a minute… What? Yes, I’m a conservative, Christian, feminist. Hear me out on this. Feminism is the movement to take back what men in predominant cultures and peoples have stripped away from the women, children, and the less fortunate throughout history. As a man my greatest role model is a carpenter from Nazareth named Jesus Christ, who ate with the beggars, tax collectors (traitors), and women (who were property in the 1st century A.D.). The best example of this comes from the gospel of John 4:1-26, when Jesus encounters a Samaritan (half Jewish, hated by the Israelites) woman at a well in the middle of the day. It’s VERY hot midday in the Middle East, so she was out when no one else would be, and the woman admits to having had 5 husbands and currently living with a man she wasn’t married too, which is a HUGE stigma. This is the equivalent of a white man in the south during the 1950s politely acknowledging the existence of a black woman in Alabama. So this event describes a man in the first century tearing down the barriers of sex, race, and social stigma. Jesus approached the woman bearing the scarlet letter with boldness and humility, and he didn’t judge her. This later continued with the early church acknowledging women as people, rather than property, and supporting widows and beggars. Ok Sean, I don’t own people, and I’m not a bigot, so what are you getting at? My point is that feminism is about restoring what the Jews referred to as shalom, or the natural peace that was meant to be found in the interwoven fabric of society. That’s what Christ came to do, and that’s what I want to be a part of.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Okay, Okay I Give

Alright internet you win. Hobby Lobby. Here we go.

So as I said last week, I was not surprised that the Supreme Court ruled in favor of Hobby Lobby. I also have been sitting and waiting to see what else will pop up because of this ruling and sure enough other cases are now coming up siting the ruling which include detainees and their rights to their religious practices. It'll be interesting to see if the law is upheld when it is not a matter of Christian beliefs. I feel like everyone has been overloaded with discussion of this whole issue so I am going to skip over the main part of the argument where it blows that this happened. 

And go to the backlash....

Since the ruling came out people have been going into Hobby Lobby and rearranging things to say "Pro-Choice" and so on and so forth. When I first saw this I thought it was clever, the first time. However, as this has begun to catch on I can't help but think that it is really stupid and doing absolutely nothing but punishing the people who work at Hobby Lobby who are already being punished because their birth control is not being covered. I know that no one wants to think about the employees in this context and I swear if you're thinking "why don't they quit?" you clearly have no idea about the economic climate. I am not about to blame the people who are working in the stores at Hobby Lobby or about to make their lives more difficult because it's not their fault. If you want to do something then do something that will annoy the higher ups and not the people in charge of stalking the shelves. 

I am also a fan of simply not buying their stuff. I LOVED Hobby Lobby. I spent so much time there getting stuff to make jewelry and various Christmas presents. I am also an avid scrapbooker and went there ALL the time for their deals. However, since this whole controversy started when Obama care first went into effect I have not set foot inside one of their stores. Boycotting works. Does it make a huge difference that I by myself am not spending money there anymore? No. But if everyone who is upset about this decision decided to spend their money elsewhere then, yes, a difference would be made in Hobby Lobby's profits. Would it reverse the decision by the Supreme Court? No. We are going to have to wait until something else fights its way up the ladder to the Supreme Court to see if any change will happen with that ruling. 

  


Tuesday, July 1, 2014

We Found the Anti-Christ! And It's a Woman. Damn It!

I know most of the feminist blog-o-sphere is centered on the Supreme Court's decision on birth control and it is a very important issue that does deserve outrage. However, I was not surprised by this decision, choices that uphold the patriarchy are not shocking, disgusting but not shocking.

What I am writing about did both shock and disgust me. And I am going to systematically rip apart a very racist, sexist piece of garbage but first let me say this. I don't watch soccer. My boyfriend is in love with soccer so I can now say since the World Cup has kicked off my knowledge about soccer has increased exponentially. I had very little interest in watching soccer because with the exception of pro-wrestling(I know, sports entertainment blah blah blah) I don't watch sport on TV. This being said, Ann Coulter's attack on soccer, women, anyone who doesn't speak or rather doesn't look  like they speak English, or anyone who doesn't look like what Ann Coulter would like to believe the average American should look like, is disgusting and an embarrassment to the United States. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, this is America after all, but she is both wrong and a moron.

 Now please keep in mind I have only watched two soccer matches at this point and both have been World Cup matches and the USA played in neither of them. But from what I saw and simple logic Coulter's first point does not hold water. "Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls — all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate[...] In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms." [..]Do they even have MVPs in soccer?" My first thought upon reading this was "What about the goalie?" You know that person standing all by themselves before that big net? One of my best friends who happens to be a blonde hair, blue eyed, white, conservative, feminist male was a goalie in high school.There is a ton of individualized pressure on the goalie. Also the one game I watched the goalie received a ton of praise due to his amazing, cat like skills. There are also MVPs in soccer. MVP, you know, MOST VALUABLE PLAYER. Hmmm, that sounds to me like an individual being recognized to me. And maybe before writing an ill researched column Ms. Coulter should do a basic Google search to check on things instead of sounding even more idiotic. As for the scoring, it is true that scoring doesn't happen as frequently as other games. But soccer is much FASTER than any other sport I have seen. Every other sport drags its feet whereas with soccer there are literally feet flying everywhere. Time seems to melt away(unlike let's say football where I ever so slowly lose my mind).

"Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level." .....I......how......what....gah....fuck you lady. On behalf of women every where I demand that you hand in your ovaries as you are clearly a traitor to the vagina and should not be reproducing. So, apparently, if females can play a sport, it's not a sport. I don't have words for this. This is literally a kindergarten level attempt at an argument.

"You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!" You don't use your hands in hockey or lacrosse either only the goalie can. And goalies do use their hands. Even if you submit to using Coulter's bizarre "logic" she already refers to hockey as a real sport, thus nullifying this entire bullet point. Next.

" I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer." This point along with the rest of her paragraph is stupid, it's called marketing. I resent that someone pays her to write a column.

"It's foreign" That is literally a reason she lists for not liking soccer, I'm not sure if she is aware but just about everything in the United States including white people are FOREIGN. English is a foreign language in the United States. Native Americans were not walking around speaking English, French, or Spanish(let's not forget that Spain did settler parts of the North America), they were speaking their languages. Almost everything minus driving on the right side of the road is foreign including most American foods, minus things like potatoes. Potatoes are a new world plant and they are not native to Ireland. Ann Coulter does not even try to hide her racism at any point in her poorly written column, "If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time." And allow me  to tell you that yes, they are watching soccer. Remember my all American boy best friend? His family has been here for  generations and he loves soccer. My roommate from college, family can be traced back to the Salem witch trails and she loves soccer. My coworker who sits next to me, loves soccer and his family has been here for generations as well. I can keep going. Yet another point demolished. I will also point out because Ms. Coulter would be horrified to find out that everyone I have mentioned is white. There is a growing love of soccer in this country and NPR did a pretty good analysis of why. It's speedy. We now live in a world where everything is constantly moving and we like our sports that way. There were a slew of other reasons why in the NPR write up but that point stuck out the most to me.  And also who are we kidding, some very good looking men and women play soccer and with America's obsession with beauty why wouldn't we tune in and enjoy the beauty of all races?

 And being that I am what she would probably classify as a "liberal" because I am a feminist I can safely say we do not all like soccer although her explanation that women are treated fairly in the game did make me want to watch it. So Ann Coulter, thank you for making my boyfriend happy because I did watch soccer with him. I hope that she has managed to bolster soccer's viewing ratings with racist, sexists, nonsensical, brain-dead remarks. You managed to take your dislike of soccer which had nothing to do with me and personally offend me. That takes some kind of special talent. Also I did not post the link to her column because I do not want to bolster her readership. If you want to find the article Google it.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Baby Thongs?

About a week ago I was visiting one of my best friends when she told me I had to see something because I would "appreciate it". Immediately I knew I was going to angry very soon. First thing to understand is that Dez is a mother of two, a 2 year old girl and a 5 month old boy(my Godson). The little girl was recently potty trained and as is prone to happen occasionally has accidents.

The one day Dez was in the mall with her kids and the little girl had an accident. Not having any spare undies for her, Dez ran into Krazy 8 and bought some underwear. The ones for a 2 year old looked a little small so Dez bought the next size up. It is important to note that these little girl underwear were in a 4 pack so Dez couldn't see the exact size and since she was just trying to get her daughter into dry clothes she didn't put too much thought into it. Once she took the underwear out and placed them on her daughter, she realized these weren't normal little girls' underwear. 

The underwear that she had unknowingly bought for her 2 year old is designed to look like adult women's panties. What does this mean? Her little butt cheeks hangout. Why on earth would someone think this was a good idea? Did a pedophile design these? Because that is the only reason why someone would be in favor of having a 2 year old's butt cheeks hanging out of their underwear. 


Here is the sexualized underwear placed on top of the regular little girls underwear. You can clearly see the size difference in the photo although in person it is a more stark difference. 


Needless to say, my niece will not be wearing "underwear" from this store ever again. Her mother was pretty disgusted and rightfully so. I mean, I have seen a lot of crazy things for little girls to wear, including high heels for little girls just trying to learn to walk. Don't get me started on that one. But this underwear fiasco is not even trying to hide it's agenda. What's next toddler thongs? How about corsets for infants? That one has a nice ring to it doesn't it?

 Actually Abecrombie and Fitch has already made little girl thongs. And oh wait! Someone already thought that it was a great idea to make something along the lines of baby corsets. I actually googled toddler thongs and infant corsets after jokingly writing the above paragraph because I had the disturbing realization that some creepo probably already invited that shit. Sometimes I hate being right. I truly hope that no parent would ever buy this crap for their kids. Also I worry because the extreme sexualization of children and infants makes things that sexualize them on a smaller scale seem not as bad because we become desensitized. That butt cheek underwear starts to seem not so bad next to the child thong. But it is still horrible and should not exist. I find it extremely disconcerting that at a time when everyone is focusing on the sexualization of women in the media we are sexualizing little girls and infants. So how do we combat this? Unfortunately the only thing that can be done is simply not buying these products. By standing up and saying "No! Children are children and not sex objects." *Adults aren't either but that's another topic*  

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Surviving Father's Day

My father died when I was 18 during my first semester of college. Like anyone who has ever lost a parent, I wonder what my Dad would think of me now. I wonder especially because I was not a self-proclaimed feminist, nor was my concentration on violence against women and children. My father always encouraged me to be a strong woman. He always told me that he knew I would go to college and graduate. He never worried about me succeeding. So with that aspect of my life I know he would be proud. But it became clear to me in Graduate school that if my father were still alive I would have a lot of hard-hitting questions for him. The biggest being, he not have accepted any man abusing his daughters, so why did he abuse other people's daughters? 

My Dad had a long history of domestic violence and with a combination of PTSD from two voluntary tours of Vietnam, alcoholism, and growing up with violence in the household my Dad was a prime candidate to repeat the cycle. My Dad gave up drinking before I was born; he just stopped one day. No rehab. No nothing. Cigarettes were something he was never able to give up no matter how many times he tried and it ultimately contributed to his death. But the violence seemed to have stopped when he stopped drinking, with the exception of my mother. Now my parents were divorced by the time I was 2.5 years old so I don't remember any violence consciously. Although I do exhibit signs, quieter ones, of someone who saw abuse or was abused. Fun fact: When someone is abused their brain chemistry is altered. You want to know if someone has been abused? Do a brain scan, it'll all be right there. Children who witness abuse but who are never physically abused themselves have the same brain chemistry of a child who is physically abused. My parents divorced because my father was beating my mother and cheating on her. Somewhere there is a file lurking around that also has toddler Sabrina with hand marks on her little arms; the man had a firm grip. My mother said that when my father was abusing her, he wasn't mentally there. He simply snapped. He didn't recall anything and nothing she did to inflict pain on him worked. But once my parents divorced the violence stopped. 

As a feminist, I HATE abusers. I cannot stand to look at them. However, I love my father. The memories I have of him are not of a man of who beat me and my mother. My parents had a dysfunctional friendship when I was growing up. Far more functional than most people after a divorce. My dad was generally very nice to his ex-wives, most likely for his children's sake and because he didn't have custody of most of us. So I have always had a difficult dealing with my Dad, the man I love, and the abuser that I don't know. I have so many questions I wish I would have had the chance to ask him and believe me I would have asked. Once I get a question into my head it does not leave until I blurt it out. So I am stuck with this. 

Dad why was it okay for you to abuse women? Didn't you think about your own daughters and the kind of relationships you were setting us up for? How did you feel when your daughters were in abusive relationships? Do you feel you shoulder at least some of that blame? How do you feel about men that abuse women and children? Are you sorry? And how do you feel about where I stand on these issues?

 I will never have my answers. And I doubt I am the only person out there who is in this position. The only thing that I do know is, it's not my fault, my siblings’, nor any of the women who were abused; we did not make my Dad the way he was. To my brother's credit, he broke the cycle. He did not become an abuser. Being abused does not mean that you yourself will grow up to be a victim or an abuser. But it does mean we can grow up to be survivors.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

A Hairy Situation

Being 26, I grew up during the kick off of "the Brazilian" and the "anti female body hair" trend. Even in high school, before my feminist awakening, I always found it strange that the focus of this war on hair was solely focused on the female body. Especially since I find hairy men repulsive, looking at some men it is clear that we evolved from apes. I really found the obsession odd since women are the ones we already associate with being clean and having the better grooming habits. Shouldn't the focus have been on male grooming?

Now I will not be going over my own grooming habits because it's no one else's business, no woman's pubic hair is anyone else's business with maybe the exception of her partner. I honestly don't care about the pubic grooming of other women with few exceptions. Exception 1) Women/girls who go bare without the knowledge that the chances of ingrown hairs, infections(usually fungal) and STDs increase dramatically. With this information if you are having multiple sexual partners you should really consider putting down the razer/wax.

My second exception are women who shave because the man in their lives demand it. Now I'm not talking about both partners having to spice things up. I'm talking about men shaming  women for not being completely hairless like a child. I use the child reference because according to scholars and social scientists such as Gail Dines, the kick off of the female pubic hair witch hunt started with the rise of pornos. Porns started featuring women bare down there right before the Brazilian trickled into the average American woman's life. These porns feature women without pubic hair in hopes to make them appear younger, Barely Legal one might say. Shaming women for not looking like little girls is twisted.

Now if hair makes you itch or whatever and you want to get rid of it, have at it. Shave Batman into it, dye it green, have a blast. But do not let anyone, society included, shame you into hating your hair. And if someone loves you they are not going to care about your pubic hair(unless it smells). Also I have never encountered anyone that demanded I do anything to my lady bits, probably because they fear I would murder them.  

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Competitive Book Club

Back at the end of last year, some of my really good friends and I came up with the idea for competitive book club. Here is how it works. We all came up with a list of books we wanted to read this year and we are not reading the same books at the same time. There is a point system based on how many pages you read and you can earn points by reading books others have read and recommended at the monthly meetings. Also if someone reads a book you reviewed you get points for that as well. Now all the books that we are reading have to be first time reads. The person who reads the most per season gets to pick a book that the rest of us have to read by the next season. At the end of the year we are all getting t-shirts with a list of our books that we read on them. The winner does not have to pay for theirs. Obviously this works a lot on the honor system.

For the first two months I was reading like crazy. Now however, I am barely reading. This is due to my schedule change(working 230-11pm) will mess up your schedule. And if I am being honest, most of my reading was done at night before bed and I no longer do that. I am sure to keep reading, usually at work in between calls at night when I'm not working on school work. I have to say that through this book club I have read books that I never would have. And it has pushed me to keep reading even when I really would prefer to watch youtube videos that would drain my brain. I believe firmly that the brain is like any other muscle and if you do not exercise it, you will lose it. That is actually how working on this blog came about. One of the same friends who started C.B.C. also has a blog Does the Poet Choose to Be a Boat?, which I enjoy reading weekly. And through talking with Laurel I decided that it would be to my benefit to start a blog, because lord knows I have enough opinions and a frequent need to share them.  


Tuesday, May 27, 2014

ACTION!!!!

Growing up as a little girl I played with Barbie and little dolls. I almost never had action figures with the exception of ones from Aladdin or mermaids that I would play with when I took a bath. Now this was not because my mother had anything against action figures, I just wasn't interested in playing with G.I. Joe. There have always been very few female action heroes or action figures. As a child(and as an adult) I loved Xena so I was certainly open to the idea of strong women, I just didn't have the option toy wise, although I certainly had all of the little kitchen stuff and all that bullshit that was supposed to help train me to be a good little housewife. I am only enraged at toy companies and the propaganda they shove down the throats of American parents and their children, a wee bit.

Anyway, I was delighted to find that a line of toys seem to be coming out of female action heroes that have a positive message about females for both girls and boys. Girls are not the only ones who need to know that women and girls are capable of saving the day just as their male counterparts can. Having toys that allow both girls and boys to see female characters in a nonsexual, powerful role exposes them to a broader sphere of thinking, allowing women and girls to occupy roles that in the past (and in some cases presently) have been taboo.

Do I think that this new toy line of female action figures is going to save us all from ourselves? No. Do I think it is the step in the right direction? Yes. Do I think this is a genius way of making money? Yes. But all toys are designed to make money so I really don't care about that. I would rather toys that broaden a child's horizons than ones that reinforce gender norms and antiquated ideas that only serve to stunt a child's imagination. The more options we give children with play the easier it will be for them to develop into who they are. With that however, it is important not to completely throw things that are considered "girly" under the bus because that reinforces the message that the feminine and things associated with the feminine aren't as good as more masculine traits/toys. Little girls can certainly play with dolls (although Bratz dolls should all be burned. There is no redeeming those things) as well as action figures, trucks or whatever else they want. And the same goes for little boys. I hate the color coding and separate isles in toy stores. THEY ARE TOYS! They shouldn't be gendered. And the gendering of toys is the clearest case of money grubbing capitalism I have seen in a while. For an example, if you have a brother and sister this could easily happen "I can't have pink bat! I need a boy bat!" No. There is no such thing as boy and girl bats. This is as stupid as those pens for women that were purple but parents buy into the pink baseball bats because they're "cute". Sexism isn't cute. Gendering toys and other items is moronic. Besides if you want a baseball bat you should buy a Hannon Bat.  Everyone knows that. *Yes, I just plugged my cousin's baseball business.*

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

History in my State

Today my home state PA became the 19th state to strike down the ban against marriage equality. I am so excited for my friends and family who can now marry the people they love in their home state. It is a shame that it has taken until 2014 for this to happen. The gross injustice that still goes on in this country that infringes on basic human rights is something I have never understood. Love between two consenting adults is no one else's business. And I for one have sat through enough straight weddings where I knew that the two people saying "I Do" were going to be getting divorced for whatever reason. If people who obviously are headed for divorced  can get married because their genitalia happens to be an innie and an outtie then why can't two outties or two innies enjoy the same freedom if they love each other? Marriage is a legal binding contract with the state not just a religious ceremony. They are different. And quite a few religions allow for marriages that do not fit the narrow Judeo-Christian definition. And Christians are not being forced to allow gay marriage in their churches that is a battle I don't particularly care to engage in. Today is a day of celebration for human rights.

Sleep well tonight PA. You did right kid.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Passing

My skin is so white, it's amazing I don't glow in the dark. Looking at me there is no surprise that I have am of Irish, German and English descent. My skin has afforded me a certain amount of privilege, privilege that my father enjoyed but that mother was never allotted. Looking at my mother, you can tell that she isn't quite white and she is very proud of this fact. My mother's face betrays her Native American heritage. So much so that when she was growing up in the 1960's the kids in her school called her "breed". My mother has always embraced her Native culture and I was raised to do the same.  Unfortunately, I went to an elementary school that wasn't just predominately white, it was completely white.

I was in the third grade and very excited because my Mom let me wear one of her Native American chokers that she had bought at an event earlier that year. I felt very special because this necklace was particularly intricate. I proudly wore the necklace because it was so beautiful and because it showed I had earned a degree of trust from my Mom. Or perhaps I had just hounded her enough that she was decided to give in. I was set up to have a great day, until my one classmate, Jamie, pointed out my necklace in a less than positive way. When asked I simply said "It's my Mom's Native American necklace. She let me wear it." and then he asked "Why would you wear that necklace if you're not an Indian?" I explained that I was, in fact, "Indian". My classmate then continued to taunt me based on this saying "I'm Irish and I don't have a giant shamrock on my chest." If I had been as outspoken as a child as I am as an adult I would have fired back at him "Yeah except for St. Patrick's Day and the Fighting Irish jacket and hat combo you have!". Instead I just told him that I was Irish too, which by both my last name and my fair skin is obvious. It occurred to me that the problem wasn't that I had pride in my heritage. It was the pride I placed in the wrong skin color.

After that day, unless I had a class assignment, I did not tell classmates and sometimes friends about my heritage. People have asked me if I was adopted all the way up through high school because I do not share the same Native features as my mother. My mother accused me throughout school and well into college of turning my back on my heritage. It added salt to the wound that I embraced my Irish heritage from my father's side because my parents divorced when I was two years old. She thought my shame had more to do with her than with the kids at school shaming me out of identifying. It wasn't until I was in graduate school taking a class on Feminist Theory that I learned of the term "passing". My one classmate, who later became my roommate, was the one who identified my experience as just that. I have spent my life passing as white and enjoying the privileges that go along with that. And please understand, you're an asshole if you're white and living in America and you don't think you're enjoying white privilege because no matter how disadvantage you might be, you are still treated better than people who have more pigment to their skin. Racial slurs have never been thrown at you in a way that bring you back to a point of oppression. My classmate spent her life passing as well. Her parents are both immigrants but from different parts of the globe. She went to a rich all white school and she preferred to have her Mother seen, because she was paler, and her Father to be heard, because he spoke English more clearly.

We both had spent most of our lives playing what other people wanted us to be because it was easier. The Japanese have a saying "The nail that sticks out gets the hammer" and it applies in the States. I have spent much of my life denying that part of who I am and now it feels weird and pretentious to try and claim any sort of affiliation. I certainly have not been negatively affected by the stereotypes that plagued both my Mother and Native Americans. What I can do is simply embrace who and what I am. I think it is time that I put that necklace back on.    

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

OMG SHOES!

59 Pairs of shoes
16 pairs of heels- 10 of them 4+ inch heels- and if you can't walk or stand in them you don't wear them
2 pairs of wedges- which I never wear because I hate wedges
4 pairs of flats
4 pairs of sandles
5 pairs of boots (one set of steel toed hiking boots which I never wear when I hike)
3 pairs of slippers none of which I bought. Everyone just thinks I need them for my freezing feet that I like to slide onto unsuspecting family members and friends in the dead of winter.
And lastly a pair of water shoes that are strictly for showering at the gym.

Let me be clear. I love my shoes. Feet are not my thing. I like mine enough because they get me where I need to go but I don't have a fetish for anything foot related. About a year ago my roommates at the time started telling that I had a shoe "problem" when my beauties started spilling out from my room into the living room. Their constant taunting of my shoe hoarding forced my confession. Something I had never told anyone before, the origin of my shoe love.

When asked about my shoes I usually just say "I got it from my mama!" to the beat of that song and laugh. The truth is far less lighthearted. When  I was 9 I was at school and I remember I was kicking a ball and my tennis shoe just fell apart at the toe, peeling open like an oyster to reveal my soaked toes. I didn't think much of it figuring my mom would fix it later. The school taped up my shoe and I went about my day. When I got home however, my mother told me that she didn't have the money to buy me new shoes. I was horrified. I placed my hands on what would eventually become my hips and yelled back "but I NEED  shoes!". I can't imagine how much that night hurt my mother. But the next morning she used the masking tape from the junk drawer and taped up my shoes and sent me to school.

Friday soon came and my mom took me shoe shopping, not just for one pair but for five. That's when my mom told me she used to always buy shoes whenever she was sad and that her shoe purchases would make her feel better. I think that day she was trying to buy away both of our sadness. So today when I sit huddled closely to my 118 shoes, it's because I've had a lot of sadness to buy away and because I promised that 9 year old girl that she would never feel the sting of shoeless poverty again.


Monday, April 28, 2014

Time Capsules

As a child I was obsessed with time capsules. I buried them probably every week for a month. I would make little maps and swear to myself that I wouldn't dig them up for years. But each time, after a mere few days I would find myself digging them up- fearing that they had somehow changed or were no longer there. The only one I left buried I ironically cannot find now because the landscape of my mother's backyard has changed. My swing set, which I always used as my main marker because I assumed it would be there like my father who installed it but unfortunately neither is there any longer. My father died when I was 18 and my swing set came down shortly there after. Even the indents in the ground that showcase where the legs of the swing set had once been have long been filled and grass grown over. My hopes of finding this lost time capsule are all but nonexistent.

I started writing this blog as I sat in the ER waiting room. Once I went back to the room where they kept my mother, she was the child and I the adult. I was not comfortable with this switch. When we become the caretakers of our ailing parents, it's a special kind of heartbreak. When I followed the ambulance to the hospital, I was sure to put my sunglasses on so that my mother wouldn't be able to see me crying through the windows. I was glad I did when we were in the ER and she asked me if I could see her waving. I couldn't because they had the American flag painted on the outside of the windows for patient privacy. I was glad I had the foresight to hide my tears. My mother was very apologetic as it was, she didn't need to worry about me. My mom apologized for being sick and for ruining my evening, as though there was anywhere more important for me to be.

As the time dragged on and we weren't getting any answers from the hospital staff I began to feel as helpless as the child who buried those time capsules. And then I started to get angry. Having to hunt down hospital staff is one of my least favorite activities and yet one I find myself doing frequently at this particular hospital(my sister spends a lot of time in the hospital). Waiting for 2 hours to have an IV put in after the doctor requested it is unacceptable in my world especially since my mom was dehydrated when she came in. But at least having someone to track down and being slightly murderous kept me from having to dwell on my Mom being in the hospital. Having only one parent left, and her being the most important person in your life, makes one a little panic stricken. My mom was often my only playmate growing up (at least the only human one). I couldn't imagine living in a world without her and the knowledge that one day I will have to isn't something I can even bare thinking about.

One thing that I was extremely touch by were the friends both old and new who were willing to come and sit with me at the hospital. And my wonderful roommate who brought me food when I had been at the hospital for six hours and was desperately hungry. My anger level also went down once I ate. The moral of this story is if I am ever really angry, feed me and I will no longer be murderous. Who knew those Snicker's commercials were right?

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

A little Notoriety

Much to my delight this blog has been highlighted as NEPA's blog of the week and featured on PA LIVE! Here are the links to both the short write up and the video clip that aired on Tuesday April 22nd. Video that aired

The write up

Monday, April 21, 2014

A Feminists Adventures in Bro-dom Take 2

Any tomboy will tell you, boys play rough. Well, when boys grow into men, they still play rough. And while I wouldn't categorize myself growing up as a tomboy, I certainly learned and liked to play rough. Most of my guy friends are around the 6 foot mark. I am 5'2 1/2, THE HALF MATTERS! Ask any short person and be sure that on legal documents I round up! Now let me dial down my crazy. Because I'm generally close to a foot shorter than the guys I tend to be the perfect size to try and throw into a snow bank or pool depending on the season. Obviously they do this out of jest and not as a means to try and injury me. I am not treated as though I am a breakable doll. And honestly, if they tried to I would probably actively physically annoying and taunt them until I broke them of such a habit. I find physical humor hilarious, which explains my love of pro wrestling. (I know, I know. Boo. Hiss.)

One thing that has backfired on me however is that along with being taller than me, the guys tend to outweigh me significantly. This is not to say that they're a bunch of fatties. Muscle and bone weigh more than fat after all and believe me, it feels like a ton when it is crushing down on you let's say after your cousin has stuffed you in a laundry hamper or your friend is sitting on your chest cavity. Something that I know first hand.....

Around two month ago I was hanging out with some friends, having a couple drinks and playing Just Dance. Don't let anyone tell you that Just Dance isn't fun. I don't care who you are, if you have functioning legs it's the bomb! Anyway, at one point my one friend Tim had picked me up and thrown me on a couch and sat his fanny on my abdomen. It was funny, we were laughing. Another friend-Vin- sat on top of Tim, who had been attempting to stand up. Vin then started to bounce. The 400+ lbs bouncing on my internal organs and ribs was no longer amusing. I couldn't breath. Unfortunately, only Tim could hear me say this and it took him what felt like minutes, although it was most likely half a minute, to get Vin to stop bouncing on us and to get up.

My body and brain were in complete panic mode. And once they were off of me, while I wasn't in pain any longer, I couldn't stop the tears. I only had maybe only one of two tears escape but I felt completely embarrassed and stupid at the same time. I especially didn't want Tim to feel bad because it wasn't his fault and I knew it was a joke, it just went wrong. No one had meant to hurt/scare me, accidents happen. But more than anything else, I didn't want them to view me differently or to be afraid to rough house with me. When I reviewed these thoughts it caught me as strange that I was worried I had violated some kind of unspoken pack that if I wanted to hangout with the boys and be treated equally that I had better not cry.

Women and girls always are put under this pressure to not cry. Men are too and that pisses me off just as much but the reasons that both are shamed for their tears is because they are acting like "little girls". As though little girls are deficient in some way. At least little girls are allowed to cry whereas little boys are not. Males are chastised from birth into adulthood for crying. One of my guy friends from high school told me he refuses to let his  2 year old son to cry. Whenever he starts crying his father yells at him "Hey! Boys don't cry!" I calmly as possible reminded him that I have vivid memories of him crying well into our 20s. And added in that he is basically attempting to turn his son into a sociopath. He laughed. I wasn't amused.

Most of my guy friends are NOT like that I would like to think. My friends that squished my organs haven't really treated me differently. However, Tim did make the comment about a week ago that I cry "at the drop of a hat". I reminded him that we have been friends for almost a decade and in that time he has seen me cry twice: once at my father's funeral and then the night of the organ crushing. I would like to think that my generation is rising above the prejudices of the past. But what I see in the media doesn't seem to support this.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Life Overhaul

In the past month, while I have not been updating this blog, I have moved, started a new job and run my first half marathon as well as started a new romantic relationship. 2014 has been a year of change for me and all positive changes. This has been a rather exciting and crazy time in my life, especially since with my new job I can now  take classes for free. I love learning. I always have. My desire to constantly be learning, for life not to be stagnate is something that I can recall feeling for my entire life.

I started school when I was four years old. My mother enrolled me early in Kindergarten because whenever I would see a school bus go by I would start to cry. This was not solely based on a desire to learn. I also wanted to make friends and I knew that kids made friends at school. To say that I am a social person would probably be an understatement. I love people. I believe that all people have the potential to be good. This amazes most people when they realize that I have worked with anti human trafficking organizations as well as with parents who by no means should have children. I have seen some of the worst parts of humanity and I still believe that people, as a whole, are good. It is this belief and my social personality that have found me at my current job. I work enrolling students in school who otherwise may not be able to attain an education. Talking to people who want to better themselves or provide a better life for their families makes talking to the people who want to rip my head off over the phone worth it.

My new apartment still doesn't have internet. We are paying for internet but there is something with the modem or router that is not allowing us to connect. I let my roommate handle that, since that's what her degree is in. We have a deal: I don't touch that technology and she doesn't touch the plants. Usually this agreement allows both the flourish and go about their natural functions.

Running the half marathon was a new experience to say the least. About 3 years ago I injured my knee bad enough that it landed me in physical therapy for 3 months. They told me then that running was a thing of my past, as well as yoga and other things that I loved. I decided I wasn't going to settle for that answer. I was 24 at the time and the idea of being told "no you can't ___ anymore" was not something I was going to be satisfied with. It took me years to build up the strength in my knee but I found when I started to run and do kickboxing the pain I felt in my knee all but disappeared completely. I no longer even feel the need to wear my knee brace. This is not to say that everyone should follow my example. All injuries are different. I also had a chiropractor who told me that my plans were definitely doable. And I will admit I was one of the last 500 people to finish race but I did finish. And I have a sweet ass medal to prove it.

Change is scary. But I have never felt better mentally, physically and emotionally in my life. I regret nothing I have done this year. And I look forward to conquering new challenges that come my way!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

*update

Sorry everyone.  I just moved and I do not have Internet. I am hoping by the end of the week I will have Internet. Again my apologies.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Be The Match

Like some of you, I listen to Kidd Kraddick in the morning on my way to work. During their I have a dream segment/contest in Feburary, someone wrote in about how her cousin found out she had 4 days to live because of a rare form of cancer. She started treatment and was lucky enough to find a bone marrow donor quickly. The cousin wanted to connect her cousin Katie with the donor who saved her life, Thomas. Thomas lives in Germany and while the two had exchanged emails they had never talked on the phone or met. Kidd Kraddick in the morning flew Thomas to the US to meet Katie and her two young children. The show was obviously very emotional so much so that I was moved to sign up to become a potential donor.

I signed up at bethematch.org and they ask you some questions making sure you are healthy. Two weeks later you receive a kit in the mail to swab your cheek, you send it back and you are then added to the donor registry. The registry is international, so you could be a match for anyone in the world, just like Thomas (Germany) and Katie (US). Once you are in the registry you are contacted only if they find a match for your marrow. As a potential donor you can decline for whatever reason (pregnancy for women is an example). But if you do go through with your donation you literally save a life with mild inconvenience to yourself. You can also stay anonymous if you prefer. 

We never really think about mine marrow transplants unless someone we know needs a transplant. I'm sure many people assume that if someone needs a transplant that someone in their family will be a match but unfortunately that is not always the case. For example, Katie's sister was not a match her. The choice to join the registry was easy for me because I thought about if my Mom needed a transplant and how I would feel if she didn't have a donor. I realized that I could potentially keep someone from losing a loved one. We take so much for granted while we are healthy. Why not pay it forward and potentially save a life when we are healthy?

Sunday, March 23, 2014

On the Power of Saying "NO" and Why Rape Culture is Against Girls Using It: a Crash Course

From the time we are little girls we are taught not to say "no" whether we are explicitly told or it is implied. We are taught to be pleasant, always pleasing and "lady like". Somewhere along the way saying "no" became part of the things that are not feminine. Why? Because saying "no" is assertive and being assertive is not befitting of a "lady".

As a child I was taught that I was never allowed to say no to my mother. Since I wasn't allowed the use of the word "no" I developed other ways to convey my lack of wanting to do things or I simply did whatever task I didn't want to do. I have been told before, specifically by men I have dated in the past, that I don't say "no", I just give a list of reasons why I can't/won't do something. Since I am now aware of this I have been trying to be mindful and just say "no" without giving any explanations to people. Now was my Mom aware that she was playing into a patriarchal  and misogynistic plot? No. She was just enforcing a rule that her Mother and Nana had placed upon her. She did this in hopes of raising a "lady", however, my Mother and Father also tried to teach me to think for myself and she instead raised a feminist which obviously worked out for me in the end.  

Perhaps this is one of the reasons that women tend to speak more and have a more robust vocabulary than their male counterparts. We are so busy trying not to say "no" that we have to speak more in order to find other ways to say "no" because God forbid we not be pleasing at all times. 

With little girls never being encouraged to say "no" and thusly being taught to conform to what someone else's, specifically men's, demands are it any wonder that women and teenage girls have a difficult time being assertive and saying "no" to the sexual advances of men? Stripping little girls of the word "no" sets them up to be compliant both in and out of the bedroom. Parents, listen up. Empower your daughters. Don't strip away their ability to be assertive. If you wouldn't dissuade your sons from saying "no" don't let your daughters lose the power of the word either.

Shampoo-less

**First let me apologize. I had set this blog to automatically post last Sunday since I was having guests from out of state over all weekend. Obviously this failed. And I will not be doing so again. To make up for this, this week I am posting two blogs! Yay!

For those who do not know me, I have very curly hair. My hair can be very difficult to manage because along with these beautiful corkscrew curls come the ever evil frizz. I am always researching on what I can do for my hair to make it hate me less. I have talked to other women with curly hair and they have a similar problem with haircare products. I can't keep using the same product in my hair for too long (shampoo, conditioner, mouse, you name it) because my hair seems to one day hate it and go completely flat, get greasy or frizz like a mofo. In my readings I came across a newish movement called "shampooless". I looked into this because it seemed odd at best and gross at the worst.

The basic idea behind shampooless is that you replace your shampoo with a mixture of warm water and baking soda and you replace your conditioner with a mixture of apple cider vinegar and warm water. Along with shampooless being good for the environment(absolutely no animal testing, no chemicals and you use less plastic) it is also very good for your scalp and hair. The blogs/articles I read all warned that you wouldn't see results in the first week and that finding the right mixture for your hair can take a little while. I was very luckily because my hair instantly loved this. I saw a mass reduction in frizz in a week. My scalp is healthier and while I still use hair mouse some days I do not need to use nearly as much. 

Wanna Try? Checkout this bloggers tips and instructions

I've been shampooless for nearly two months now and I love it, as does my hair. I highly recommend giving it a whirl especially if you have hard to manage hair!

Sunday, March 9, 2014

How Far We Haven't Come Part 1

I have labeled this Part 1 because I am positive various other topics will arise that will illuminate the illusion of equality and how far we have come. This past week I was on the Bookface and I saw that VH1 had made a post about Scarlett Johansson being pregnant. What was the focus of this birth announcement? How big her boobs are. To be exact the article was called Scarlett Johansson is Pregnant! Celebrate Her New Baby Boobs with Her 29 Bustiest Moments.Click to read the article Really? VH1 wants to celebrate pregnancy with tit pictures? What a progressive society we live in! Even when women are pregnant they still are objectified. Yeah, we've come a long way baby.

I was chatting about my outrage to a friend of mine and she informed me that when she interviewed for a position at a store in the local mall called Motherhood, that she decided she wasn't interested in the job when they told her she would be selling skinny jeans to pregnant women. Now I myself have never been pregnant. However, I do have friends and family members who have been and from what they tell me, being pregnant can be pretty damn uncomfortable. You have a baby pushing on your organs already, why would you then shove yourself into skinny jeans? And there is no way that wearing constricting clothes can be good for you especially when you're already swelling.

By no means do I think that pregnant women should have to wear ugly clothes or that they should feel unattractive. I actually like that pregnant women have more options for their clothing choices (as do babies. Baby clothes as waaaay cuter than when I was an infant) but their clothes should also be comfortable. Pregnant women should not be subjected to objectification,

 not that any women should but this just seems worse. Talking about a glow or how beautiful a pregnant woman is, is much different than saying "Check out those titties!" I am even more outraged that it is 2014 and I have to explain this. There is such a constant pressure on women to have the perfect appearance all of the time. Shouldn't at least pregnant women get a pass to just be people since they are making a person? I don't have what one would call high standards for VH1 but they managed to sink to a new level of low.